Remian Detached : The Master Key to an Effort Free Life

The Master Key to an Effort-Free Life

I am often asked about the “secret to happiness”. If you think about it, no matter what we do in life, our ultimate purpose is the same – we all want to be happy.

The problem is that so many people live stress-filled lives these days, that happiness seems to elude them.

Unfortunately, most people are trying to find happiness by looking outside themselves. They think if they have more money, find the right relationship, advance in their career, start a successful business, or achieve some other goal, they will finally be ‘happy’.

In their struggle to find happiness, their life is filled with anxiety and stress because they are always chasing whatever it is that they think will make them happy.

What most people never really ‘get’ is that life is not about struggle. In fact, if you are struggling at anything, I can tell you with 100% certainty, you are on the wrong path.

So how do we stop struggling and start living? How can we be truly happy? True happiness is only possible when we are living what I like to call an Effort Free Life. By Effort Free, I am not talking about being blasé, doing nothing, sitting around, or just letting things happen to us. What I am talking about is being detached from the future outcome of any situation.

What detachment means is that you act with a commitment to the future, while moving towards what you desire, but you are not attached to any particular outcome.

True detachment is a commitment to the future, while focusing on the present. When you are truly detached from how things must happen or turn out in the future, it automatically increases your happiness today.

And surprisingly, when you let go of how things must work out in the future, it increases the odds of achieving your desired outcomes, no matter how big or how bold they may be.

Effort Free Living is different than goal setting. With goal setting you are totally focused on a specific successful outcome. You are determined to achieve your goal. More importantly, you are mentally and emotionally attached to the result.

When you live an Effort Free Life, you are totally detached from the outcome because you are living in and for the moment. You don’t worry whether or not your desires are even achievable. In fact, you know that your biggest and boldest desires and intentions may never become reality, but that does not keep you from setting goals. What it does is keep you from becoming attached to a specific outcome.

By a specific outcome, I mean the way you think things have to turn out in order for you to be happy.

When you are overly concerned about and focused on hitting your target, you are less likely to achieve your objective. Why? Because when you try to force life to go the way you want it to go, it will put you on a path that can lead you to dissatisfaction and failure because life often does not want to go where you want to go.

Anyone who plays golf knows that the surest way to hit a winning shot is to line your body and feet with the pin (the destination), and then focus only on the ball. You must focus 100 percent of your attention to the ball right in front of you – not on the pin. Because as soon as you lift your head and look where you want the ball to go, it is guaranteed to go somewhere else. Golf pros say this is the number one mistake made by amateur golfers.

The same applies to your life. Instead of trying to force life to turn out according to a particular plan, why not focus on what you desire, but at the same time – live in the moment. In other words, keep your eye on the ball – what is happen in the moment – instead of the destination – the way you think things have to turn out in order for you to be happy.

When you stop trying to force things to turn out in a particular way, or in a particular time-frame, you will not only be living an Effort Free Life, but life will be a much more enjoyable experience than you could have ever have imagined.

The Power of Detachment

It is important to understand that detachment is not about stepping back and saying you don’t care about the outcome. Of course you care about the outcome!

However, true detachment is about enjoying the process – the trip, and letting go of how things are supposed to look like in the future – the destination.

When you are less invested in the outcome, but committed to the process or the trip, you can relax and let go. And, as soon as you relax and let go, your desires will start to come into your life easily and effortlessly. There will be no more struggle or strain to create the things you truly desire.

An illustration of this is about one of my clients who was having difficulty growing his business. He was unable to attract new clients and most of the time had just enough work to keep him from going broke.

One day he received a call from a company that was interested in using his service. Normally he would have been extremely eager to take on the new business, but they wanted him to commence the following week and he had a commitment to another client that would not allow him to take on any new work for several weeks.

The potential client was impressed with the fact he was very good at what he did and they were determined that they wanted to use his services. In fact, they were so determined, that when he told them that he could not take on their assignment, they offered him twice his normal rate. He was flattered by their enthusiasm, but he was still unavailable.

The potential client made another offer, suggesting he do a very small amount of work now, with the full-time work commencing in two months, still at the higher rate. He was amazed. This was by far the easiest sale he had every made.

The more he told them he couldn’t do the job, the more they wanted him. In the past, when he was attached to the outcome, he was constantly struggling to find new clients.

What he learned was that when he was truly detached, from

the outcome, he was much more desirable and was more likely to attract new clients.

Now he sets his intention to have more new clients, but he is not attached to how or when they will come to him. Instead, he sets his intention and KNOWS that he does not need to struggle to attract new clients.

The lesson here is when you try too hard, you are more likely to be unsuccessful. The paradox is that attachment to an outcome often yields a failure in achieving it. When you set your intention and truly let go of the outcome you are more likely to be highly successful.

I remember many years ago I “retired” from the speaking and seminar business because I was burnt out from all the travel. Some years I was so busy that I presented over 200 seminars and traveled over one million miles per year. I loved the seminars, but I had enough of the travel, so I decided to quit doing seminars.

As soon as I made this decision, the phone began to ring with people asking me to do more seminars. Since I was not attached to the outcome (booking seminars), the calls kept coming in – even though I would tell people I was sorry but I was not doing any more seminars.

As soon as the potential client heard this, they would say something like, “If you were available, what is your normal fee?” I would tell them and they would say, “We will double it!” I thought to myself , where were these people when I needed them? However, what I learned was since I was not attached to the outcome, and I was not in a state of ‘need’, more opportunities came my way.

I have coached people who are looking for jobs and have given them similar advice. If they are more relaxed in the interviews and not attached to the outcome, they are much more likely to receive job offers than those who were trying hard to get the job. When you try too hard, it also makes you appear desperate and untrustworthy to others.

This is particularly true of relationships. When you are detached from how your relationship will turn out, you are more likely to have a successful and happy relationship. You will seem less needy and more relaxed, making yourself more attractive to your partner. However, when you are ‘needy’ your partner, or potential partner, will be less likely to want you in their life. No healthy person wants to be in a relationship with a ‘needy’ partner.

The Difficulty of Detachment

I absolutely know that detachment is the key to happiness and an Effort Free Life. However, I have also learned through personal experience, being detached is sometimes easier said than done. In fact, it seems like the more you try to detach, the more you may inadvertently attach.

So detachment is not always easy. Often there are areas of our lives where detachment is, in fact, quite difficult. For some it is romantic relationships. For others it may be insecurity about money. For others, it may be about being accepted and being liked.

Take a look at what areas of your life where you feel insecure, are vested in the outcome, or feel the risks are too high. Unless you can change your perspective from being

attached to the outcome, you will end up not having the very thing you are attached to having or achieving.

Scarcity Mentality Based on Attachment

One reason we may have difficulty remaining detached is due to a subtle and subconscious “scarcity mentality”. We want something badly because we are afraid that there may not be enough to go around.

A scarcity mentality is a belief that there is a limited supply of jobs, money, relationships, or whatever. This often causes us to feel that we must be successful in achieving our goal, otherwise we will have to do without.

For example, we must have the approval of others because we believe there is a limited supply of affection available. Or, we need to make this relationship work because there is only one soul mate out there for me – and he/she is it.

Or, we will not have a job in the future because many companies are downsizing, or jobs will be scarce in the future because many jobs are being outsourced to India or Asia.

This all comes from a scarcity mindset.

Another example of a scarcity mindset is when you don’t have enough money. When you are financially insecure you become attached to becoming wealthy so that you will have enough money.

The mind convinces you that you need to achieve your goals, because achieving your goals will make you money, and money can buy you things, and things will make you happy. But it is an illusion! Happiness does not come from

having anything. Happiness come from what you are “being” and from living in the present moment.

Part of your financial insecurity may be the programming in you mind that was created from your past experiences.

My father grew up during the ‘Great Depression’. This caused him to have a life-long “scarcity mentality” about not having enough money and losing what he had already earned. He always feared some disaster would strike and he would lose everything he had. This came from a mindset he developed by living through the Great Depression. But it was all an illusion created by his mind. He never enjoyed the moment because he lived in fear about what was going to happen in the future.

We somehow buy into this belief that the future is where our happiness lies. It’s the same illusion that plagues all of us as we grow older. When you are 10 years old, you convince yourself that life will be happy when you become a teenager. Then you turn 13 and you can’t wait until you are old enough to get you license and drive a car. When you are old enough to drive a car, you can’t wait to leave home. Then after you leave home you can’t wait to have your own home, career, etc.

You develop a pattern of living for the next thing that will make you happy, but never living a single moment you have. You keep hurrying through life, wanting and longing for what is next, believing that true happiness is around the corner. Then when hit your 40’s or 50’s, you reflect back, and wish you were younger. The problem with most of us is instead of being happy in the moment, we go after some sort of goal that we think will make us happy in the future.

Instead of understanding we live in a world where we can create whatever we desire, we focus on scarcity. When you understand The Secret of Deliberate Creation, you know you can create whatever you desire – including all the money you will ever need.

On the other hand, if you do not understand how to create whatever you desire, you will remain a victim of the scarcity mindset. You will live your life like my father, always fearing the future rather than being happy in the moment.

Another reason why detachment is difficult is because our subconscious mind is a survival mechanism. In The Secret of Deliberate Creation one of the things you learn is that “We attract what we focus on.” More importantly, “What we focus on expands.”

For example, when you buy a new car, as soon as you drive it off the dealer’s lot it will inevitably seem as though everyone else on the road is driving the same car, even though you hadn’t noticed those vehicles before.

I remember when I bought my first Mercedes. As I was driving down the street it seemed like there were more Mercedes on the road than Fords. Yet, Mercedes produces less than 3% of the cars sold in America, but when you own one, it seems like everyone and his brother is driving one!

What this means is that whatever your mind focuses on is what you will see. And, you will see it everywhere! The problem is if we focus on what we can’t have or what will go wrong, we attract more of the same thing. Or, when we focus on “what is” we attract more of “what is”.

So when you attach to the outcome of any situation, whether it is business, relationships, money or anything else, it is usually coming from survival. At some level you ‘need’ the outcome, because without it you feel you won’t survive.

Your state of ‘need’ keeps the very thing you desire from coming into you life because through the Law of Attraction you attract more ‘need’ or not having what you want.

Making Attachment Work For You Instead of Against You

It is natural for us to want a better future. So in our minds we create a picture of what we think our future should look like in order for us to be happy. In the process of doing this, we become attached to how happy we will be when we finally get what we want. This myopic focus on where we are going or what we are going to have in the future,makes us miss the present moment.

A better way to approach this is to just let go of the future outcome. Plan for the future, but then detach and let go of exactly how or when it will come to you. Instead, attach to the intent to make things work NOW – in this moment – whether in your job, your relationships, or any other area of your life.

The problem for most of us, and why we are unhappy and unable to live an Effort Free Life, is that while we are waiting for the future to arrive, we allow the here and now to slip away, and we fail to enjoy the moment.

The solution is simple. Instead of attaching to a specific future outcome, begin to attach yourself to the present moment – this very instant. This allows you to detach from the future or

the end result. Ironically, in doing so, your desired future or end result has a much greater chance of becoming a reality because you are not putting up any resistance through worry and fear. This allows the universe to bring you exactly what you need at the perfect time.

This concept not only applies to attracting, jobs, business or material things, but also applies to all relationships – romantic, platonic, and business.

What you are experiencing NOW is the result what you created in your past ‘present moments’. So if your life is not where you want it to be now – if you are unhappy in any area of your life – it is because of what you thought, said or did in those past ‘present moments’.

Always remember you are creating your future NOW in this moment. And if you focus on the future and do not train yourself to start living in the moment, your future will be less than desirable – maybe even miserable. But you can avoid an unhappy future if you focus on what you need to do in the present moment.

In this moment is where all creation takes place. If your attention is on the future, you are not a DELIBERATE CREATOR

– instead are creating your life by defaultinstead of by

design.

Attach to the Service of Others

An even higher level of Effort Free Living is when you not only go beyond detaching from specific outcomes or the future, but also you detach from yourself.

In order to do this, you need to reattach yourself to something else – which is helping and serving others.

By attaching yourself to helping and serving others, you open the doors for multiple channels success and happiness to come to you. Keep in mind that if you just help yourself, you only open one channel to receive your desires. If you help 10 people, you open up 10 channels to receive your desires.

What if you chose serving others as your goal? What if you said to yourself, “My goal is to use my strengths and abilities to help others.” If you continually use that as a filter for determining how to invest your time and what to focus on at home and at work, the magic it would produce in your life would astound you.

Instead of striving for more money, be a person who provides more value. This is the surest way to be become wealthy.

A lot of driven people are not happy because they are self- absorbed and self-centered. But when you focus on serving others and the difference you can make in their lives, you will not be driven to achieve a specific outcome, nor will you be unhappy. Instead, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and joy in every moment. You will not be waiting to be happy.

Ask yourself, “How can I make a difference today?” If someone’s efforts were furthered along with your help; if some goal or project was accomplished with your assistance; if you recognized and rewarded someone’s efforts, or made an investment in someone else’s future – you not only serve them – but you become a magnet for the things you desire in your life.

The more you attach yourself to helping others the faster your desire comes to you because you are truly letting go. When you attach yourself to the service of others, in doing so, you automatically put yourself in the flow.

Flowing with the River or Being the river?

You have probably hard the expression ‘go with the flow.’ But in fact, going with the flow is a dichotomy. It indicates a separation of two things – you and the flow, or the universe. It is like you are standing on the banks of a river and you feel you need to jump in so that you can go with the flow.

When you live by the philosophy of “going with the flow”, the river is the flow, and it is taking you. But the truth is – you are the river. So instead of going with the flow, al you have to do is become the flow.

When you become the flow, you are in sync with the universe. You are guided from within by your Higher Non- Physical Self instead of being influenced by others. You finally realize that true happiness and fulfillment can not be measured against what other’s think or believe is “right” for you. This includes any political, social or religious doctrine.

You will know what is “right” for you and what the universe wants you in every moment. And the good news is that the universe always wants what you TRULY want, a deep inner level, even if you have not acknowledged it.

By getting your ego out of the way and just saying, “I desire what is truly best for me and the highest good of those around me” and then letting go, you will be in sync with the

universe. When this happens, all the resistance is gone and all the doors will open up for you.

You will stand in a place where you have peace and perfect alignment with your life’s purpose. You will KNOW you are doing what you are supposed to be doing because you will be detached from a life that must move in a particular direction.

Attachment is an attempt to control the uncontrollable. Yet, in your effort to be in control, you are out of control. The real secret is that you can control only one thing – and that is the present moment. You have no control of anything else in your life.

Over the years I have heard many people say that “life is hard.” I believe it is only difficult or hard for those who choose to live that way. Especially those who cannot live an Effort Free Life without detachment.

Living an Effort-Free Life doesn’t mean that your problems disappear. It means that when you show up for every moment you are clear about what you have to offer and what you have to do in that moment, which leads you to the next moment, and eventually to the perfect outcome for your life.

An Effort-Free Life increases your pleasure and helps you focus on the present. It makes you more appealing to those around you. And paradoxically, it increases the odds of your achieving your desires, no matter how big or how bold they may be.

Living an Effort Free Life

The Master Key to an Effort Free Life is the commitment to stop struggling. I mentioned this earlier, but it is worth repeating – Anytime you struggle – you are trying too hard. Trying too hard is the surest way of failing because you are flowing against the universe.

So when you find yourself really wanting something so badly that you cannot live without it, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “Okay, I really don’t need this to be happy. This is an illusion. What I REALLY want is the best possible outcome for this situation – whatever that is.” And then let it go.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t believe in yourself or your project. It doesn’t mean you are not committed to the best possible outcome. It only means that the outcome is the outcome, and it does not have to happen in a specific way at a specific time.

It also means that you are more committed to the process of living in the moment and being true to yourself, than selling out to achieve a future outcome.

Rather than hurrying through life to accomplish the next goal, stop, reflect, and enjoy where you are NOW. Create a mentality that no matter what is happening in your life – there is always enough of everything. There is never a shortage of anything. And whatever you need to create your future, whether it’s money, people, more business, jobs or relationships, it will be there exactly when you need it. Not a moment before, and not a moment after.

This is not metaphysical nonsense. This is pure science. In The Secret of Deliberate Creation I explain in detail how this science works and how to virtually guarantee your success when you cooperate with these laws rather than resisting them.

You ARE a creator. You have been successfully creating all your life. However, if you have been struggling throughout your life, it means only one thing; you have been creating by default instead of by design. The real “Secret” of Deliberate Creation is hidden in the name of the program. The operative word is ‘Deliberate.’ Once you become a ‘Deliberate’ creator, you will be able to live an Effort Free Life. In doing so, all the good things you want in your life will come to you easily and effortlessly. This is the way you were meant to live.

Dr. Robert Anthony