Self-Responsibility – Create your Future

Write your own script.

All humans have an innate desire to reach their potential to be Responsibility and Create your Future. The problem is that this desire to grow and develop makes us unhappy with the way things are. 

We have three main beliefs about life that prevent us from being happy and satisfied: 

The first belief is: 

What I don’t have is better than what I do have. This is a variation of the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. 

The second belief is: 

Having more is better; no matter how much I have, more of it would be better. 

The third belief is: 

When I get what I want, I will be happy. Is this really true? 

Is Your Life About Solving Problems? 

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Perhaps you are familiar with the term, “success ethic.” The success ethic stated simply says, “When you get what you want, you will be happy.” It is based on the theory that if we work hard and solve all of the problems in our lives, some day we will be happy. 

The majority of our thoughts and activities in life are centered on solving problems. As we’ve learned, whatever you think about becomes your reality. And so, what do you think about most of the time?

It is usually problems. Indeed, the first thing that many of us think about when we get out of bed in the morning are all the problems that we have to solve and how hard we have to work.

We have been trained to think about what isn’t, what should be and what we don’t have, and then how we might remedy a situation, solve it or make it better. And so when you first awake, you focus automatically on all the problems that you must face that day. 

If you will take an honest look at your life, however, you will probably find that solving problems working hard and having the “right” things do not fundamentally improve the quality of your life. In fact, it has probably taken away from the quality of your life by diminishing the fun and excitement of living. 

Understanding The Creative Process 

Let’s talk about the creative process. You and I want to create our lives in the best possible manner. To do this, we must flow with life instead of flowing against life. To flow with life, we want to create from the model of Being-Doing-Having. The universe flows from being into doing into having. 

Being is an inner experience – it comes from within you. You can allow outer circumstances to determine your state of Being – your level of happiness or satisfaction – but you run the very real risk of those outer circumstances controlling your life and how you feel about yourself.

If you say, “I’ll be happy when (fill in the blank)”, you will never be happy. Suppose you think a new job will change your life. So you get a new job and pretty soon it’s the same old stuff; you have to deal with people, handle responsibility, meet deadlines and work with others who are not as enlightened as you.

That is the reality of it. You then realize that this job didn’t make any major difference in the way you feel, so you have to find something else to make you happy. 

Maybe you think a new mate, a new home, having a baby, or making more money will change your life. And so eventually you get all those things, and you are still not happy. The reason is simple. Nothing outside of ourselves will ever make us happy, because happiness is an inside-out experience. And it starts at the Being level. 

Why the “Success Ethic” Doesn’t Work 

We have talked about how the universe flows from Being into Doing into Having. But unfortunately the success ethic, which most people are using to create their lives, flows from Having into Doing into Being. 

The success ethic states that if you have the things that happy and satisfied people have, you will do what happy and satisfied people do, and then you will be happy and satisfied. Is this really true? Well, you and I have more of everything than any generation on this planet. 

We have more time to do what we want, more money to spend on what we want, and we are more technologically advanced than any civilization in the history of this planet. Yet look around you and notice that as a culture we are far from being either happy or satisfied. 

The truth is that life flows from Being to Doing into Having. If you are being happy and satisfied – from the inside out – you will start doing what happy and satisfied people do, and you will have what happy and satisfied people have.

One of the Buddha’s greatest contributions was his teaching that desire creates suffering. This means that when you want something more and you don’t accept what you already have, you will suffer.

Now, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t create more things in your life. On the contrary, you and I are purposeful, creative beings. 

But so many of us are unhappy no matter how much we have. We always seem to want what we don’t have, and then when we finally get what we want, it is like the song, “Is That All There Is?” We thought the rockets would go off and life would be totally fulfilling, but then the disappointment came because there was something else missing. 

Buddha’s teaching was to give up desire and thus eliminate suffering. While this is important, it is not the whole message. One of the most important things about accepting where you are right now and enjoying what you already have is that you can have the same peace of mind, the same tranquility, and the same joy right now that you think you will have when you eventually get to where you want to go.

This is the most important message. Living in the present doesn’t mean that you just accept what you have and cease to create. It simply means that you already have what you want at the Being level. At the Being level – where you are right now – you are already a success. 

Life Is Not About Getting 

Most people’s lives are about getting something. And the truth is, there’s nothing to get. All we have to do is to Be. The Being produces the end result. It is imperative that you understand that the doing and having parts of your life are not what determine the quality of your life.

The Being aspect is what determines the quality of your life. Who you are – your conscious perception of your Self (Being) – controls what is happening to you. 

When you focus your attention on solving problems and trying to make things better, something very interesting happens: you miss what you already have. So the only way to find happiness and satisfaction is to enjoy what you have right now.

Again, I am not saying that you shouldn’t set goals or make plans. What I am saying is that you should enjoy the present moment because this is all you have. Create for tomorrow, but live in and for today. 

We only have two choices in life. The first is to enjoy what we have today, and the second is to have anxiety about what we don’t have and focus on tomorrow hoping it will be better.

There are no other choices. Now, remember, getting what you want will not change your life at the Being level, so don’t let what you have determine who you are otherwise you will always feel dissatisfied.

If you are tied into getting somewhere or getting something to make you happy, you will be on a treadmill for the rest of your life. You will be operating from the hypnotic belief that more is better, and that it is much better over there than it is over here. 

Go after what you want, but enjoy the trip. Life is a journey, not a destination. Know that when you get what you want, it will not change who you are at the Being level. So enjoy yourself, love yourself 

unconditionally and participate in the trip. The reward in life does not come from achieving. It comes from participating along the way. Writing your own script means that you are the one who decides what the trip will be about and what the destination will look like. 

Your Intention Sets the Universe in Motion 

Your intention sets the universe in motion. The universe flows in the direction of your intention, and so it is important to be clear on your exact intention in any situation. If you are absolutely clear as to your intent, your subconscious success mechanism will support you in getting there.

Most people encounter problems in creating the kind of life they want because they have not clearly determined where they want to go, or visualized what it is going to look like when they get there.

Those who lead purposeful, successful lives do so because they have set up in their mind a clear picture of what they want to create in their lives. 

Have you ever wondered why New Year’s resolutions don’t work? We have such good intentions, but what happens is we often say things like, “I’m not going to eat any more sweets,” “I’m going to stop yelling at the children,” “I’m going to stop overeating.” But notice that the New Year’s resolutions were not about what you wanted, but what you didn’t want.

They are not an image of the end result, but rather a negative reaction – a form of negative self-talk about what you don’t want.

And this is the reason why so many world problems, business problems and personal problems persist; the individuals concerned focus on the problem and what they don’t want to happen, rather than on the end result or what they want.

A New Look at Goal Setting 

Goal setting is the key factor that will determine your success or failure in the doing and having portion of your life.

• Did you ever take a business trip without at least having some idea where you were going?
• Did you ever play tennis without knowing where the tennis court was?
• Have you ever left your house to do your weekly shopping without having at least some idea of where you were going to shop?
• Have you ever taken a holiday without knowing where you wanted to go?

Isn’t it strange that the holidays we take merit goals, the games we play merit goals and even the shopping we do merits goals, but we rarely establish goals for the most important journey of all – our own life. 

“Oh,” but you say, “I don’t want to be pinned down. I want to be spontaneous. I want to be free to change my mind.” Well, sometimes we mistakenly think that freedom means avoiding commitment.

We fear that if we commit to something it will own and control us and so we avoid being the cause of our life and avoid making commitments. We say, “I want to be free.” But notice how our avoidance of commitment and responsibility keeps everyone around us in prison, not really enslaved, but in confusion, not knowing what they can count on, until we make the decisions. 

In such a relationship, no one can truly win. True freedom actually lies in our ability to make choices and commitments. The question we have to ask ourselves is “What do I really want?” 

Start from the position that at some level you absolutely know what you want. At some point you have to make a decision. Keep this in mind – If you don’t decide, someone else will decide for you. And their decision may not be what you truly want. 

 

Start by Making a Decision 

You’ve heard it said that no decision is a decision. Hidden within indecisiveness is the goal of always being right. As long as we don’t know what we want, we will never be wrong, never make a mistake, and hence we will never be disappointed. We have been programmed since childhood not to make mistakes.

By being indecisive we can remain a child. The moment we decide to take charge our lives is the moment we really leave home. Once we start making decisions for ourselves, we are on our own. 

It is safer not to make decisions, to be passive, childish and to take our cue from others. Making a decision always reveals something about you. Making a decision tells people who you are. And so, making a decision is essentially divulging a great secret. If your purpose in life is not to reveal who you are, then you will always remain undecided. 

Another reason for indecisiveness is the fear that we may have to give up something. For example, if you want to take a vacation to Hawaii, it means you have to give up going to the Bahamas at the very same time.

To choose one goal means you may have to give up others. If you decide on a certain way, it means you may have to give up other paths. It means you can’t be everything, do everything and have everything at the same time.

It means you can’t please everybody. When you make a choice, you run the risk of rejecting the values of certain people. They may see you as you really are, not the way they want you to be. I

n other words, not like them. So by doing nothing, you are able to retain the love and approval of different people whose values contradict each other, and your indecisiveness helps you to avoid trying to reconcile situations that can’t possibly be reconciled. 

Everything in Life Is a Choice 

Everything in life is a matter of choice. There are only two things we have no choice about. We cannot avoid these two things no matter how hard we try. The first is that we must die.

Death is an absolute certainty. And the second thing we have no choice about is that we must live until we die. Now understand this – everything else in your life that you think you have to do, or are forced to do, is a choice. 

You and I do everything because we choose to do it. We can’t change the fact that we are going to die or that we must live until we die. But we can change anything else because everything else is a choice.

Look at all the areas of your life and realize you do everything in your life because you choose to do it, not because you have to do it. Remember – the only two things you have no choice about is; you have to die, and you have to live until you die. Period! 

Look at where you are in your life right now. Where you are is where you want to be. Consciously or unconsciously, you have made a choice. If you want to go anywhere, you must first understand where you are right now.

Many people lie to themselves about where they are, and they deny their situation in life. But it is absolutely essential that you acknowledge where you are before you can move on. 

• Is your life working the way you want it to?
• Are you where you would like to be?
• Do you have the things that you would like to have?

If the answer to any of these questions is “no”, then take a look at your payoff for being where you are.

• What pleasure do you get out of denying yourself?
• What pleasure do you get out of being unhappy?
• What pleasure do you get out of being uncomfortable and not belonging?
• What pleasure do you get out of thinking in terms of lack and limitation? 

It is important to remind yourself that everything that you do in life, whether it is positive or negative, is attached to a reward or a payoff. So look at your payoff. Observation is the first step in changing anything. When you observe, you are taking the first step toward freedom. And as you observe, you begin to see your own patterns of thought. 

You have to tell the truth about where you are before you can move on. If you are in pain, admit it. If something is not working, admit it. This is the fundamental principle of Alcoholics Anonymous.

You must first acknowledge that you are an alcoholic before you can recover from alcoholism. So look at where you are right now, and then decide where you want to go. Let your mind be open to new possibilities. 

What Do You Really Want? 

Remember, at the Being level, you are total power and you can create anything that you want. Think about what turns you on.

• When was the last time you really felt turned on?
• When was the last time you felt enthusiastic or stirred up by something?
• How about half a dozen times before that?

If you can answer these questions, you have some powerful clues to what you really want. If your response is that you almost never feel turned on, then you are living in denial. 

• When you are free to choose,
• how do you spend your time?
• Is there some kind of activity that keeps you interested?
• Whatever reason you might give yourself for doing it,

you have an important clue as to what you really want to do. On the other hand, if you find yourself in your free time doing nothing but sleeping, daydreaming, or watching television, that is a pretty good sign that you’ve not allowed yourself to experience what you really want. 

If you were relieved of all practical considerations, including financial considerations, and if all the possibilities were open to you,

• what would be the first thing that you would do?
• What would be the next thing that you would do?
• What would you do with your life if this happened?

This question can be fun because it helps to make your fantasies conscious. Perhaps you even have a fantasy that keeps coming back? Take a look at those fantasies and choose something. 

You can always change it if you don’t like it. You are only committed to it for as long as you want to be committed to it. So make a choice. Start creating what you want in your mind. Have the total experience in mind first. Feel that way, be that way and imagine it happening just the way you want it to happen. 

Developing a Plan of Action 

Goal setting is simply making choices. Goal setting is knowing where you want to go. Said another way, if you don’t know where you want to go you will probably end up someplace else. If we are not achieving what we are capable of achieving, it is because our goals are not clearly defined.

Writing our own script means developing a definite workable plan designed to implement action. Your success will be determined largely by your plan of action. 

Writing your own script also means, quite literally, that your plans should be written down. The kinetic action of writing will further impress your subconscious. Your written plan will give you the courage to follow through and help you to eliminate obstacles, distractions and interruptions. It will also serve as a yardstick for progress. You will be more aware of how far you have come and how far you have to go. 

Many psychological studies have shown that a person’s motivation is at its highest when he or she has some way of measuring accomplishment. Writing will crystallize thought, and thought motivates action. It reinforces your commitment to the attainment of what you want.

It will remind you of your objectives, and each time you review what you have written, you will be reminded of what you want and why you want it. You will be greatly rewarded for doing this.

Also, you will conserve time and energy because you will always know where you have been, where you are and where you are going. And when obstacles get in your way, your written plan will help you to re-evaluate and get back on track. 

Identity the Benefits 

Freud said that goals cause frustration and anxiety, and was against the establishment of specific goals. Victor Frankel, on the other hand, said that we cannot live without goals because man’s basic nature it to be goal-oriented. As far as I am concerned, they were both right.

The biggest mistake that people make is aiming too high or accepting too much too soon. Now, I’m not saying that you can’t have it all. I’m merely suggesting that if you are going to be a tennis champ, it might be a good idea to first learn how to hold the racket and hit the ball across the net. 

So goals are not promises, but commitments. They are not wishes, but visions. We do not hope our dreams are going to find us; we find them. Goals don’t start in our brain; they start in our heart. 

We are not going to be committed to our goal one hundred percent until we are clear on the benefits. This is probably the most important and significant step in goal setting. 

If you are working in a job or you are in a relationship with someone, or if you are expending any effort in your life and are not sure of the benefits you will obtain, you will have great difficulty maintaining the necessary enthusiasm, persistence and dedication. When you are not sure of the benefits, it is very difficult to dedicate yourself to something. 

Goal setting helps you to specifically identify the benefits that you will receive from the efforts you expend. You will not be able to hold a high degree of commitment toward the accomplishment of anything unless you are absolutely clear on the benefits.

As you progress in goal setting and begin handling harder and more complex projects, it is essential that you understand why you want to accomplish that specific goal.

Psychology teaches there are only two reasons for any of us to do anything. One is to gain pleasure (benefit), and the other is to avoid loss. If you are clear on the benefits you will be willing to pay the price. 

The critical difference between those who achieve their dreams and those who don’t is desire. Rewards create desire. So spend a lot of time outlining benefits and rewards. 

A goal can be defined as something that has an inherent or built- in reward upon its achievement. If your goal has no inherent reward, you do not have a goal. If your written plan does not clearly set the benefits and the rewards that come upon the attainment of the goal, you will miss the most important ingredient – a motivation to action. No reward, no action. You can solve any problem in life by saying what you want – the specific end result. 

Handling the Obstacles 

As soon as you say what you want, the first thing that you are going to experience is the feeling that it can’t be done.

• “I don’t know how to do it.
• I don’t know how it is going to work.
• I feel helpless.
• Who is going to help me?
• Where am I going to get the money?
• What if this doesn’t work?
• What if I fail?”

This is your subconscious mind trying to protect you from an imaginary loss. 

When you say you want to do something, everything that could possibly go wrong will come up for you to evaluate and defuse.

All your fears and doubts will surface. If you will center your thoughts on what you want to happen, which is the goal, instead of what you don’t want to happen, which is the obstacle, you will overcome this negative feedback.

Remember that the successful accomplishment of any task is determined at the Being level prior to the actual beginning of the task. In other words, believing that it is yours before you take the first step. 

We cannot sustain a mental image of a goal that is inconsistent with our beliefs. Be realistic about the possible obstacles and roadblocks.

Ask yourself

“What circumstances or conditions may prevent me from achieving this goal?”

Your answer to that will outline what you will have to overcome to obtain what you want. Some of the obstacles and roadblocks may be simple; some may be more complex. 

Many people do not do this because they think it is negative to focus on obstacles and roadblocks, but it is important to understand that you won’t get where you are going until you know who or what is standing in the way of your achieving your goal.

So write them down, and make a list as complete as possible. Some of the obstacles will just take care of themselves without your attention. The biggest mistake people make in goal setting, however, is to gloss over roadblocks and 

obstacles that should be recognized before they get started toward their goals. You may not be aware of them all, but the more prepared you are, the easier it will be to handle them. 

As you complete this process, the natural tendency will be to become a little discouraged, and perhaps you will lose some of your enthusiasm.

You might start to focus on all the effort necessary to overcome your obstacles and roadblocks. If this happens, stop for a few moments and go over the benefits until you feel that they outweigh any obstacles that you may encounter along the way. 

Take the First Step to Success 

Know that what you want is more important to you than any obstacle that you may have to handle along the way. Know in your mind that you always have the choice to stop or to continue with your plan. You can change your mind at any time you want. But for the moment the important thing is to GET STARTED!. 

Don’t get locked up into the ultimate goal. Just concentrate on the next step. Take it one step at a time.

Most people become overwhelmed by the overall goal and give up. Use the overall goal as a point of reference but concentrate on the steps. The one-step-at-a-time principle is important in achieving goals. Even the largest goals are obtained one step at a time. 

Once you are aware of the obstacles, you will find the awareness alone will go a long way toward finding the solution, because knowledge is power. The solutions and cost of overcoming the obstacles will become quite obvious. For every obstacle there is a solution, and the solution is always available because the answers are within us. 

You do not have to look outside of yourself for the answer. If you truly believe this, you will be guided to the right person, the right place, the right book or the right situation that will help you to overcome your obstacles. 

Develop this belief system: “I always know what I need to know.” You know what to do and you know how to do it because your Higher Self or internal guidance system will guide you every step of the way. All you have to do is to be open, responsive and receptive to the answers.

In doing so you will cease to see obstacles as limitations, because you will know that who you are is greater than any obstacle. When you combine your wants, benefits, obstacles and solutions together in writing, you will gain a tremendous feeling of power and excitement. It will also help you to see that most of your limitations are self-imposed. 

Why This Will Work for You 

Most people do not successfully implement goal setting because they do not weigh up the benefits, rewards, obstacles, solutions and costs. If you will commit yourself to working through all of those steps, you will stay on track.

You will not be overwhelmed by the size of the details; which are necessary to your goal’s achievement. You will learn to keep your attention on the specific steps that, when put together, will allow you to achieve the entire goal. 

A primary factor in the successful use of goals is positive feedback. Without positive feedback you will not continue to use goals. So always keep a list of the goals that you accomplish, including the obstacles you have overcome along the way.

Buy a special notebook for this purpose and refer to it often. As you complete your goals, file your written notes in your notebook and review them periodically. Keep adding to your list of accomplished goals. Every time that you look at this list, you will gain further confidence in your ability to obtain what you want through the process we’ve just discussed. 

On the surface, this may seem like a lot of extra work and effort. However, I can tell you it is a lot more work and effort to go through life not having the things you really want.

Do not be fooled by the simplicity of this process and do not underestimate the power behind it. To do this would be to sabotage your own potential. Writing your own script and following through with action is a habit that will reward you for the rest of your life.