Table of Contents Hide
- A WINNER makes a commitment A LOSER makes promises
- A winner says: “Let’s find out” A LOSER says: “Nobody knows”
- A WINNER sees an answer in every problem. A LOSER sees a problem with every answer.
- A WINNER says, “I will!” and succeeds. A LOSER says, “I’ll try” and fails
- A WINNER is not afraid to be “wrong.”A LOSER has a compulsive need to be “right.”
- YOU CAN’T FAIL AS A PERSON.
- A WINNER believes that we make our own “Luck,” either through what we do or what we fail to do.A LOSER believes in “bad luck.”
- A WINNER is not afraid to lose.A LOSER is secretly afraid of winning.
- WINNERS do it NOW! LOSERS procrastinate.
TEN ATTRIBUTES ALL WINNERS HAVE IN COMMON
We have discussed the three personality types – winners, Losers and Non-Winners – quite extensively throughout Betting on yourself. Once again, let’s clarify our definitions.
Winners are individuals who take responsibility for their actions, and who are accustomed to achieving what they want.
Losers are individuals who do not have what they want but have good reasons or excuses for their lack of success or “bad luck.”
Non-Winners, for whom this book was written, are individuals who want to be Winners but who lack the necessary knowledge and skills to make the transition.
At this juncture, I think you will agree that you have been exposed to many new ideas and methods that will enable you to make the transition from Non-Winner to Winner.
For purposes of review and clarification, I would like to point out some significant attributes that ALL Winners have in common. The list could be much longer, but the ten attributes listed here are the most common, and also, the most essential.
If you are a Non-Winner, you may recognize some of these attributes in yourself. If so – good! If not, you can begin developing them now that you know what they are. As always, winning starts with beginning!
A WINNER makes a commitment A LOSER makes promises
If you do not yet have what you want in life, it simply means that you are not committed to it 100 percent. At some point, you must make a firm commitment, if only to yourself. The difference between a promise and a commitment is that a promise does not generate action. It is also something that can easily be broken. We have all heard of broken promises.
Commitment, on the other hand, is a guarantee by the person committing to take action and to follow through.
One of the most effective methods of commitment involves making a declaration of your commitment to someone else. This will give you the feeling of being accountable to someone other than yourself. Afterward, even if you are inclined to let yourself “off the hook,” others will tend to hold you to your word, or at the very least, continue to remind you of whatever it is you committed yourself to.
A winner says: “Let’s find out” A LOSER says: “Nobody knows”
The first day I walked into the public library, it suddenly occurred to me that knowledge was at my disposal. I was totally awed by the prospect of visiting the many worlds contained in the books that were there. How confronting it was to know that this reliable source of information actually existed, and that it was all FREE!
In addition to knowledge that comes to us through libraries, there is also an unlimited source of knowledge available through teachers and mentors. In view of this, there is absolutely no reason why we cannot obtain the knowledge we need to succeed.
A winner continues to strive for excellence in his chosen field, and is always searching for additional information that will enhance his chances of success. Winners have an instinct for surrounding themselves with other knowledgeable people, realizing that in order to succeed it isnot necessary, or even possible, to know everything there is to know in their chosen field of endeavor.
Winners search out role models and mentors and avail themselves of their knowledge and experience. If you desire to be a Winner, you MUST learn how to do this! Whatever you need to know or learn, there is somebody, somewhere who has the knowledge, information and experience you are looking for.
Don’t accept the Loser’s view that “Nobody knows.” Somebody knows. Find them! Hire the, if you can. At the very least, get into the habit of associating with such people.
Remember the words of the Great Teacher – “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” I believe that says it all!
A WINNER sees an answer in every problem. A LOSER sees a problem with every answer.
Winners look for answers. They realize that life is full of problems and that they will either be part of the problem or part of the solution.
If you understand what a problem is, you will understand its true purpose in your life. A problem is simply an obstacle between where you are and where you want to be.
When you master a problem, you have reached the next rung up the ladder of enlightenment. Each step takes you a little closer to the top, and along the way, you are learning how to transform obstacles into opportunities.Think back to the last time you were forced to face a truly difficult problem.
Before it occurred, you undoubtedly had no idea what you would do if such a thing happened to you. But after it did, you learned something about yourself – and not only about yourself, but about the problem as well.
If you were to ask people what they fear most, some typical answers might include “divorce”, “bankruptcy,” “illness” or “loss of a loved one.” You have probably known people who have survived such experiences, and perhaps you have been through them yourself.
If so, then you know that a problem can either be viewed as an obstacle that will immobilize you, or as an opportunity that will enable you to become more self-efficient and self-confident.
Depending upon which end you are approaching it from, it is either the worst possible thing that could happen, or it was a learning experience that taught you some new survival skills that you now consider invaluable.
That’s the way it is with problems. You will always have them, but each one has its own solution built into it. If you look closely enough, you will find the answer…and a great deal more. Each problem you solve increases your potential for winning.
A WINNER says, “I will!” and succeeds. A LOSER says, “I’ll try” and fails
At the outset, it is important to understand that you will never fail because you cannot do something. You can only fail if you “try” to do it.
The concept of “trying” has a built-in failure mechanism. To better understand this, I would like you to look around you and find a small object.
Now, “try” to pick it up! Did you pick it up? If so, you did not“try.” You actually picked it up! The bottom line is you either DO something or you DON’T do it. There is nothing in between. “Trying” is DECIDING to do something. It is not the same as DOING it. What most people call “Trying” is actually not doing something.
Trying is man’s invention. Actually, no such action exists. If trying worked, everyone would be successful because almost everyone will tell you that they’re “trying their best.” What they don’t realize is that as long as they “try,” they will continue to fail.
The reason for this is simple. Trying violates the basic principle of creation, which is that we must accept something in mind before we can create it. When you are “trying,” you have not accepted that what you want to do, or have, is already yours.
Therefore, your subconscious mind cannot act on it because it has not been programmed into your mental computer. Remember that everything that is created or accomplished was an accepted idea in someone’s mind first.
Trying also provides an excuse for not getting what you want. It’s a “weasel” word with a built-in escape mechanism to excuse failure. Since it’s impossible to “try’” I would strongly suggest that you remove the word from your vocabulary. Whenever you find yourself saying, “I’ll try,” stop right there and substitute “I will!” Remember, you either WILL or you WON’T. You either DO or you DON’T. Just keep in mind: “Tryin’ is lyin’.”
A WINNER is not afraid to be “wrong.”A LOSER has a compulsive need to be “right.”
The need to be “right,” and the fear of being “wrong,” can be traced to 99 percent of all failures of life. The pathology behind this is that when I am right I am “okay.” When I am wrong I am “not okay.”
We have been taught to look at our mistakes and that determines what kind of people we are. If we make a lot of mistakes, we are either “stupid” or “bad.” On the other hand, if we make few mistakes, we will be viewed as smart, competent and “good.”
In an effort to be okay, we tend to reject any action; that will make us appear “wrong” and take on any action or activity that makes up appear to be “right.” The real problem here is that most people would rather be “right” than happy.
In other words, we would rather have the “right” reason why we can’t be a Winner, than take some “wrong” actions that may show that we are actually not a Winner.
Freedom lies in our ability to make it okay to make mistakes.
However, we cannot be free to make mistakes if we continue to identify with our actions. We have to learn that we are not what we have and we are not what we do.
Our actions are the result of our thinking, but they are not who we are. If we change our thought patterns, we will automatically change our actions. So, we must learn to separate the doer from the deed. As long as we identify with our actions, we will continue to try to be “right.”
By now, you have undoubtedly made a few mistakes in your life. You may not remember them all, but your probably remember those that really taught you something. What did you learn? Do you think it was worth learning? Of course it was! The purpose of mistakes is to learn what NOT to do. Sometimes this is the only way we can learn WHAT to do.
Learning of any kind is accomplished through trial and error. For the most part, life requires that we operate spontaneously, on the basis of immediate circumstance. Rarely, is there time to advance-test aparticular approach to a problem, and of course, we have no guarantees. So, we do the best we can based on our present level of awareness. Sometimes we are right and sometimes we are wrong. Either way, it’s okay!
I have known a number of individuals who have been so mentally traumatized by an event (mistake) in their life, such as a divorce or bankruptcy, that they would never again trust their own judgement on anything! Such people have not yet learned how to profit from their mistakes.
Instead, they tend to retreat into their shell, and therefore, as Thoreau once said, live lives of “quiet desperation.”
Their path to freedom, to becoming a Winner, lies in their ability to realize that
YOU CAN’T FAIL AS A PERSON.
Your business may fail, your relationships may fail, your finances may fail, but there is no way that YOU can fail as a person. All that needs to be done to go from Loser to Winner is to separate the doer from the deed, the actor from the play, and to realize that it is okay to make mistakes and to be “wrong.” Rather than blame yourself, correct the thought that produced the mistake and you will never make it again.
A WINNER believes that we make our own “Luck,” either through what we do or what we fail to do.A LOSER believes in “bad luck.”
We have learned that “Good luck,” the so-called symbol of winning, achieving and prospering, is actually the result of right thinking and right action. What is commonly called “bad luck” is nothing more than a misunderstanding and misuse of the powers of the mind.
Our life is a walking, living example of our beliefs. The lucky person is one who thinks and acts like a lucky person. Winners are lucky because they understand how to create good luck and good fortune. They are not surprised when they are lucky; they just accept it as a normal result of their Winner life-script.
The truth is that anyone can be lucky. Our luck is determined by what we do or fail to do. Most importantly, it requires that we have faith and belief in our ability to succeed.
People in the entertainment field have been known to say, “After twenty- five years of hard work, I was suddenly an overnight success.” While this is obviously a factious remark, it is amazing how few adoring fans even realize it. All too often, the attainment of superstardom is thought to eradicate all those early years of struggle. In this, we have the basis for so many unrealistic views of “lucky” and “success.”
We prefer to believe that what comes hard to us, other people simply “fall into.” These “lucky others” always seem to be in the right place at the right time. They appear to have been born with a privileged advantage. In fact, some believe that they were born under a “lucky star,” astrologically speaking. Well, if you really believe this, you’ll believe anything!
If you want to be a “lucky person,” you must understand that everything that happens to you begins with you and ends with you. There is nothing haphazard, coincidental or circumstantial on the path to winning.
The magnificent stream of Universal Consciousness is forever flowing, always attracting like to like.You are responsible for what you attract, or DON’T attract. You are – through your own thoughts and actions – the creator of your own luck. Knowing this, you are in full control of your life.
A WINNER is not afraid to lose.A LOSER is secretly afraid of winning.
If you lose a round of golf, what have you actually lost? Chances are you enjoyed a few hours of “fun in the sun” and then returned home, physically and mentally refreshed.
While this is normal, the incredible emphasis that society has placed upon winning, which is taken in an entirely different context than the subject matter of this book, borders on the neurotic. Beating someone at a competitive sport is one thing. Adopting a WINNING ATTITUDE toward life is quite another.
The fact is, many fierce competitors gradually develop an almost revengeful attitude toward life. They are no longer just playing a game. Instead, their egos are at stake.
True Winners, on the other hand, know that they will be competing on many levels in life, and that instant victory will not always be theirs. Even so, they do not let their egos get involved. They do not judge their self-worth by how well others are doing.
Winners also know that it is extremely important to be psychologically prepared for success. Losers rarely, if every, are prepared, and in most instances, are even afraid of succeeding. Initially, when a Loser wins, he experiences feelings of happiness, enjoyment and euphoria. However, within a short time, these feelings change into feelings of unworthiness, anxiety and mild to severe depression.
The way the Loser deals with thisis to sabotage his own success so that he can lose again and get back to “where he belongs.”
Success brings with it a number of new responsibilities. It can dramatically alter one’s life, and also requires that some major changes in thinking and lifestyle take place.
In Dostoyevksi’s The Brothers Karamazov, reference is made to those masses of people who do not crave freedom of self-expression and self-realization so much they crave freedom from “the fearful burden of free choice.” For many, it is actually easier to remain on what they perceive to be a predestined course than to assume responsibility for achieving the life they have always wanted.
How about you? Are you truly committed to living the life of a Winner? If so, it will mean giving up a Loser Life-script. Just as you cannot think two thoughts at the same time, you cannot live two life-scripts at the same time.
- Are you willing to lose a few rounds before you win?
- Do you feel you truly deserve to win?
- Do you subconsciously set yourself up to lose because you are secretly afraid of winning?
All these questions must be answered before you can become a Winner. Your readiness to accept the role of a Winner will be determined by the life-script you are acting out. Keep in mind that you have the ability to rewrite your script so that if matches your winning desire.
WINNERS do it NOW! LOSERS procrastinate.
Procrastination comes from doing things you think you have to do. The truth is, there are only TWO things you have to do. You have to die and you have to live until you die! Everything else involves a choice.Winners realize that they are responsible for their choices. No one is making them or forcing them to do what they do.
They make their choices and act on them with positive expectation.
This requires having a goal and a specific plan for achieving that goal. Most of all, it requires setting priorities for getting things done. If you are presently doing things you should not be doing, or avoiding the things you should be doing, then you are a procrastinator.
Unfortunately, procrastinators are Losers.
How can you get into the habit of getting things done? The answer lies in the question itself. The operative word is habit. The best way to eliminate an unsuccessful habit is to replace it with a successful one, one that works for you and instead of against you.
For the next thirty days, pay close attention to the people you tend to associate with, to the manner in which you spend your time and what you tend to talk about to yourself and others most of the time.
How many hours a day do you procrastinate or avoid doing what you need to do to be a Winner? How many hours do you spend in front of the TV, or on the phone, talking to people who do not add to the quality of your life? Is all this talking necessary, or are you just wasting valuable time?
If you eliminated these useless activities, and also did other things to get more hours out of the day, how much difference do you think it would make? Most people would be quick to argue that their schedule is already filled to capacity, that they haven’t a second to spare from the moment they get out of bed in the morning until the retire at night.
If that is your problem, I would like to suggest that you get up one hour earlier each day. By the end of the week, you will have seven additional hoursto contribute to your success. Over a year’s time, that’s more than two full weeks!
Start responding to the self-starting command of “I will do it NOW!” Before long you will build a new habit that will become so strong that you will immediately respond and go into action whenever there is anything that needs to be done. Remember that Winners are doers! Losers are procrastinators.
A WINNER knows that the secret to winning is to be who you are and become what you were meant to be.A LOSER thinks he can win by “fitting in.”
Every human being is as individual and unique as the snowflakes that fall. What is interesting about snowflakes, we are less inclined to accept about ourselves. Notice how desperately people try to “fit in,” how they try to be “normal” in every way.
If you were to ask, no one could tell you the inventor of the standards we tend to measure ourselves by. No one could even tell you how such standards CAME to be standard! Still, we keep trying to “measure up” and prove that we are as typical as the next person is. Why? Because we are programmed to get our “payoff” through approval and recognition from parents, teachers, religious leaders, peers and other authority figures.
I am proud to say in all my life, I have never felt typical, normal or average. My personal quest for self-realization has forced me to recognize my own uniqueness and to give expression to my own special talents, and also, my own idiosyncrasies.
Whatever else they may be, they are ME!Throughout my life, well-meaning family and friends tried to dissuade me when I made changes in my lifestyle that conflicted with their expectations.
Unfortunately, they attempted to influence my behavior by imposing guilt. I was made to feel guilty for disappointed them or letting them down. This worked until I finally realized that to accept guilt is a choice. Thereafter I chose not to feel guilty.
That your life may be perceived by others as unconventional or unacceptable is not your problem. No matter what you choose to do, most likely somebody is going to feel disappointed. However ideally in time, others they adjust.
The REAL problem exists in role-playing, in pretending to be something you are not, in living a life-script that was written for you by someone else. The end result is always failure and disappointment. No matter how much you attempt to be something you’re not, in the end, you will still consciously or unconsciously seek to become the person you are and were meant to be.
Fortunately, you have a road map to take you from where you are to where you want to be. The path to winning is outlined in the chapters of this book. Follow it and it will lead you back to being yourself and being the person you were meant to be.
A WINNER says: “It may be difficult, but it’s possible.” A LOSER says: “It may be possible, but it’s too difficult.”
To accept that something is difficult but possible is to act on positive assumptions. In this life, where nothing is certain except death, taxes and change, it is necessary to believe that whatever we need to know is always available if we know where to look for the answer. Help is
always available, new breakthroughs are just around the corner. History certainly bears this out.
Progress would never have been possible if people were not willing to act upon their positive assumptions. The early pioneers assumed a great deal before they began their long hard journey west. Their primary assumption was that they would survive, and that they would actually get where they were going. Fortunately for us, they did.
Whatever you are presently attempting to do, you undoubtedly expect to survive. It is probably not a life-threatening task, and when compared to what the pioneers endured, may seem like nothing at all.
Still, you think of it as difficult, perhaps because you have never done it before. In that case, it is time for a few positive assumptions:
- I will make and keep my commitments.
- I will find the right people who can help me.
- I will look for an answer in every problem.
- I will give up “trying.”
- I will make it okay to be “wrong” and make mistakes.
- I will create my own “good luck.”
- I will not be afraid to lose before I win.
- I will do it NOW!
- I will be who I am and become what I was meant to be.
- I will accept that all things are possible.
Ignore, at all costs, any negative thinkers who may be inclined to insist that “It can’t be done,” “It just won’t work,” “Everyone who has ever attempted it has failed.” These same people may also attack your motives, insisting that you are on an “ego trip.” Remain committed. Do what needs to be done, even when it is unpopular. Afterward, when these
same negative thinkers rally round and say, “ I KNEW you could do it!” tell them that you knew it FIRST! You are a Winner because you chose the best bet of all…to BET ON YOURSELF!